Thursday, August 9, 2007

you're beautiful it's true

So, I think I am balding. I say think because I like to keep my options open. Besides, I’m not sure where the word balding no longer applies and the word bald takes its place. Regardless all signs point toward me losing most, if not all, of my hair. Saying balding makes me feel like I’m not full on bald. So I will continue to say bald, even when I have no hair left on my head.

Set aside the fact that bald people lose all of their hair. The saddest thing about balding is that you join a totally different group of people. There is even a space on your driver’s license that you check if you are bald. Brown hair, black hair, red hair, blonde hair, bald. The word just stands out like, "you’re simply not cool enough to keep your hair so you are in a category all by yourself. BALD! You hairless freak of nature."

The people in above mentioned category are generally: bikers, skin heads, wrestling fans, and random guys who are balding and want to lose their hair on their own terms. Let’s look at famous bald guys. Paul Shafer, Patrick Stewart, Moby, Montel Williams, Billy Zanes, Michael Stipes and Jordon, G Gordon Lidy, Howie Mandell, Samuel L. Jackson, Damon Wayans, Yoda, Willard Scott, Hulk Hogan, Sinead O’ Connor, and that guy from Seinfeld. We are in a class all our own and we have few role models to look up to.

I can complain all I want but this day has been a long time coming. I found a picture of Margie and me when we were dating. There on the top of my head was an easy to spot bald place. One can blame the recent surge in stress level due to my job or moving into a new house. One can blame the elements, maybe hormones. But I personally blame my grandfather.

See the bald gene is passed down from your mother’s side of the family. My granddad on my mom’s side is bald as a new born. Therefore, my hair loss was picked out long before I was created. I was destined to be bald. Sounds more epic than it really is.

After hair growth products, vitamins, chants and rituals have all failed me, I have resigned to the fact that I am simply balding. Going bald- there, I said it. So to avoid the shock of seeing myself one day with some hair and the next with a shaved head, I continue to take my hair down, one notch at a time. A piece of me dies a little with each hair cut.

I am now developing bald man syndrome. I find myself complaining often about how much guys are into their hair these days. Guys go out and buy straightening irons, blow dryers, and hair products. Guys now spend as much time as girls simply fixing their hair. It’s gone to far. In protest, I will continue to shave my head. With every shave I feel as though I am bringing an element of manliness back to the male population. Forget growing your hair long and sweeping your bangs over guys. Let’s let the girls have their hair back and let’s shave our heads with pride.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Target Audience

I am so tired of being sold stuff.

It seems like everywhere I turn someone is trying to sell me something. For example, my wife and I purchased our home through a specific mortgage company. That mortgage company then began to send us letters promoting life insurance, health insurance, mortgage insurance, and so on. I got four letters from the company before I even got my first mortgage statement. I called the company to ask a question, they politely answered and then began a sales pitch for some random product they were hocking. AT&T does the same thing. I just want my question answered, that’s it!

Solicitations go beyond mail and phone calls. Shopping centers try to sell stuff even as you are checking out. I can never resist that candy bar as I am checking out. I just cannot. They strategically place items close to the register so you just grab em without thinking. You go into Wal-Mart for Milk and you come out with ice cream, deodorant, sheets, and milk. Sometimes I forget the item I went for, this makes Margie angry.

Every where you turn they are advertising. I go to pump gas and I see two or three advertisements on the pump, the handle, and screen. I went to one gas station that had a mini-TV on the pump showing commercials. The receipt prints out and I get a 5 inch print out of coupons/advertisements. I just wanted gas!

When I purchase something I want to get the product I want and leave. I am so tired of being someone's target audience. The shows I watch or the places I shop all have advertisements that I am suppose to find appealing. We have gotten out of control in my humble opinion.